3/24/11

Blah!

I do not want to write this post, but I'm gonna. I feel like I need to before I post about things like American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and my bedroom make over . Those are all things I would rather talk about, but I would feel like I was lying by not telling you that I was pregnant. Or I guess I still am, but the baby no longer has a heartbeat. We found out yesterday. blah!

I found out on February 11th that I was pregnant and it was a TOTAL shocker. I mean, I just had my baby like 2 seconds ago. AND it took 5 years to get pregnant with her. So we were shocked, but got excited quickly.

We decided to tell our families on my birthday, because they both were going to be here. My friend Kari, made a Big Sister dress for Katie and we revealed it when I was blowing out my candles.

I still love these pictures:




Marcus is videoing my mom, because she was the last to figure it out. She yelled' "WHAT?!" like a million times. Very funny!


I need to get Kari's website, because everything she makes is so stinkin' cute!

Anyway, I am a little over 10 weeks pregnant. We had our first sonogram at 8 weeks and the heartbeat was strong, but the baby was measuring 2 weeks behind. So they had me come in yesterday to measure again and that's when we saw there wasn't a heartbeat anymore. I cried all day long. I couldn't stop and it was getting on my nerves. I just didn't want to think about it anymore. Marcus and I watched tv for hours before we went to bed, just for a diversion. I just couldn't turn my mind off.

Today has been a lot better. I know God is in control of this whole situation. I don't know why it has to happen, but I don't care. Whatever He wants, we want. I know we have lots of friends praying for us and I can feel it for sure! And I am just so thankful for Katie. I know if I didn't have her, this would be a lot harder!

So Tuesday I have to have a D&C. Not looking forward to it, but I am so ready for it to be over with. Please pray that I don't start to miscarry on my own before that. I just think that would be too traumatic for me. I would appreciate that so much.

I know lots and lots of you have walked this road before me and I am so sorry for you too. Part of the reason I am sharing is because hearing other people's stories and situations have helped me a lot already.


Now I want to say that I was shocked at how great Kirstie Alley did on DWTS. I was proud of her. I was equally as shocked at how bad Wendy Williams did. I am still rooting for her though. And did you see AI tonight? I love that they saved Casey. I like him. I really like James and Lauren too. Those are my faves.

Oh, that feels better!
And when I'm done with my bedroom, I'll show you that too!

*and PS: if you know me in real life and see me in real life, PLEASE don't give me the sad face or the so sorry speech. I know you are sad for me, but when people comfort me, I lose it. And I HATE losing it in public. It's not a good feeling. So just give me a high 5 or something. Or you can be like Anna and Courtney and give me chocolate!

52 comments:

Kristin F. said...

I have read your blog for so long, but don't think I have ever commented. I am so sorry for your loss - we had two miscarriages between our two girls and I have never been through anything harder. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you this weekend. Tuesday will be hard, but you have such an awesome God to see you through.

p.s. Katie is SO stinking cute!

Staci said...

NO sad faces here. Just big hugs and virtual chocolate and fountain cokes. Big ones. With pink straws.

I have been in this exact place. It sucks. But I know you're a tough cookie with a beautiful family and a husband who adores you. I mean, hello... He celebrates your half birthday!

I can't believe I've missed AI this year! I have way too many things on my dvr. I hear Casey is good. They saved him, huh? Wow!

Have a good night. And I'm still waiting for you to come to my house! (((hugs!)))

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

I have read for blog for so long and I just hate to hear this, I'm so sorry and I'm praying for you and your family!!! Stay strong and positive and I can't wait to see pics of your room!!!!

Giggles said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We have had two miscarriages and a stillbirth and are still waiting for one to hold in our arms and take home. I kind of understand how you feel and it sucks. But. . .give your little cutie lots of hugs and kisses and make sure to do the same with your hubby. Be there for each other and know that many people will be saying a prayer or two or lots more for you. His timing is perfect.

Taylin said...

I don't know you in "real" life but here is a virtual high five that turns into a really cool foot grab! :) Praying for you and hoping your weekend goes better!!

Allison said...

I admire your strength and faith in God during a time that most question him (understandably so) the most. High five to you!!

Brittany said...

sending coke, m&m, & birthday cake icing thoughts your way! :)

All That Glitters said...

High five from me!!!!!

thedeinesfamily said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and hope you are feeling well. Will be praying for you.

Kasey

Raquel said...

prayers and {{{hugs}}}

Dina said...

You are all so sweet! Thank you!

Christie said...

If I still lived near you I would bring you a Route 44 Sonic Coke and a huge bag of M&Ms and leave them on your porch. Praying for you today friend.

Ann said...

I am soooo sorry for your loss - and I am praying for your entire family...must be feeling a terrible loss...my heart aches for you! XO

bella said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage also many years ago and I still remember how painful it was for me emotionally. I did get pregnant again and the next time gave birth to a beautiful baby. Take good care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. I will pray for you.

Dawn said...

I appreciate your honesty! I am praying for you!

Dana said...

God is amazing! I can not wait to see what he has planned for your family... I know my comment seems strange but I also know that He knew thousands of years ago where this would lead you and what he has planned for you. A high five and lots of prayers coming your way!

Polka said...

I am sending big virtual hugs! I hope that everything will be fine :) best wishes!!

Fabiola said...

Dina, NO, NO, NO.... This is not fair. Well, I am entitle to say that and you know it.

If you need anything feel free to write to me!!

A big virtual HUG and the only thing I can say is I know how you feel and only time will ease this pain!!!

Praying for you!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh man! I'm sorry. I've been there. It does get better.
Carley

Aimee said...

You're right, God is in control. So sorry for you loss. Praying for you!

Nicole said...

So sorry Dina! As you know, that is the EXACT scenario my SIL experienced last week. It is a complete and total crappy situation. I will add your heart healing to my prayers when I am praying for her.
Love ya!
Nicole

GiGi said...

Im so sorry. I had 5 losses and 1 d and c. I will be praying for you. Its so hard and sad and just confusing all together. But God is good and will give you the peace you need!!

Susan Brown Holland said...

Sweet Dina! I was so sad to hear your news, but agree that God is in control and will certainly be with you on Tuesday. Thanks for sharing and know you are in our hearts and prayers on Tuesday! Love you!

kimert said...

This news is heartbreaking and I am very sorry you are going through this. Prayers going up for you guys! ((hugs)) If I was close I would smother you in chocolate! ;)

Jennifer said...

Dina, LOVE your blog, LOVE your style, your heart, and I am sure we would be great friends if we lived closer! High 5 from me! ;)

Ashley Tremaine said...

Oh Dina...I am terribly sorry for your loss. I had to have a D&C 2x and had a m/c as well. Having to carry around a baby that had already passed until I could get in for the surgery was the worst, most excruciating part of it. I am praying for you and your husband.

Virtual hi-five and chocolate coming your way!!

d said...

I am praying for you and wishing I could send you lots of chocolate. I lost a baby in 2009 and didn't tell anyone for months (except my husband) because I didn't want to deal with everyone's reactions. Its tough and I still cry sometimes (like now).
Hug Katie extra tight and do some shopping-the distraction seemed to help me.

JAS said...

M & M's. Moments and Miracles. God healing your way.

Queen Bee said...

So sorry!! Hugs!! Praying for y'all!

Cat said...

Boo.
I was just thinking a few days ago that I have heard this news too many times lately- and that's before I read your blog. It breaks my heart every time.

I'm here if you need anything- even if it's a trip for fro yo. I'll pray for you lots this week.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Denise said...

Dina, I love your blog and style and think Katie is the cutest doodle bug.
I just went thur the same thing in Nov. and am still working on my take home baby. I totally understand not wanting people to look at you like you have 3 heads and feeling sorry for you. Sadly there are no answers why this happens but is so good that you know god has a plan for your family.

I will be holding you and Marcus in my thoughts and if I was closer I would drop you off some peeps and mini eggs!

O Mom said...

With tears in my eyes I'm giving you a big high five!!!!!!
And love the..."whatever He wants, we want..." I agree.
:)

Ben and Audrey said...

i'll be honest, reading this made me teary eyed. i HATE knowing that someone is going through something so rough. i will be praying for you. i don't really know what to say other than, let the Joy of the Lord be your strength.

i'll be thinking of you & praying for you this weekend & especially on Tuesday.

p.s. Katie looks adorable as always!

Colette said...

Oh Dina, my heart is breaking for you guys, even more so because you seem to be taking the news so well.

Praying for your all xxx

Leslie said...

I've been stalking your blog for a few months now. I went through pretty much the same thing in July. I wasn't as far along as you are though. It's rough, but we have a wonderful God, who will give you strength when you don't know if you can make it or not. High five, sister. :)

Rae said...

I too have been there a few times. So much heartache. Praying for you.

Michelle Langley said...

praying for you girl!

Audra said...

I will keep you in my prayers! I have also experienced a miscarriage;however, mine was after 1 1/2 years of trying. I didn't require a DNS, but I think it will be very emotional know matter how it happens. God does have a plan even though it is hard to understand. Sadly I become emotional about mine at least once a month and that was 3 years ago. I think it is that motherly compassion that we have. May God bless you and your family with the best situation for you in such a horrible situation already. God Bless and hug Katie!

Hannah Elisabeth said...

Praying for you... And praying that the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart and give you more babies... Love to your family!

Katy said...

Dina, I'm so sorry for your loss... I know how traumatic it is, I had one when our oldest child was only three months old... I too was in complete shock about the pregnancy, then happy then sad all over when I went to the dr. It will all be ok and it will get better. (as I lay here next to our fourth child). Hugs sending to ya and ice cream dreams ... Because ice cream is on my mind.

The Howell's said...

I've been there. xo

The Stain Family said...

Sending a high five and prayers your way, all the way from...
wait for it...
ARKANSAS!!! ;)

Brooklynn said...

I'm praying for you and your family. It's funny how having a baby there is comforting as I know Katie is....

I pray for peace as you go through the next few days.

Linda said...

I am just so sorry you and Marcus have had to go through this....praying for you both. Linda L.

Anonymous said...

Dina: I'm so sorry to hear this news. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! High five and stay strong!!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your blog, & I LOVE that you shared this with us. Lots of prayers, love, chocolate, & high-fives your way.

www.johnniesjunk.blogspot.com said...

Dina, You have me in tears right now because I also went through this two times myself. One a DNC and one a miscarriage in the middle of the night. You will never forget that time in your life or the wishful dreams you have for that baby and your family. I am so glad that you have Katie and so many more blessing for you and your family are to come. Keep your faith Momma! Sending you my love and prayers right now for you and your family!!

Fabiola said...

I'm thinking of you! I hope you are doing as well as expected.

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about you A LOT lately ever since marshmallow bunnies have been put on the shelves :)Have a couple and hope that puts a smile on your face. Having Katie sure does make it easier!

Take care,
Mary

Amanda said...

Thinking of you.

Love,
Amanda

Nutty Mom said...

Somehow I missed this post. I have to say that I'm thrilled you got pregnant so easily and on "accident"! That's exciting and encouraging for the future.

However I'm sorry that this baby went to God before you got to meet him/her. After my first miscarriage I was told I'd never have children. Now I have 3 (and 2 in heaven)! As hard as the losses are, sometimes I felt like God gave me those losses to have hope for the future. If I had never gotten pregnant the first time, I never would have had hope that one day I would have my own child. I would have led a totally different life, and not been where God wanted me. I felt like God was saying "see, your body can do it, I just don't want it to do it RIGHT NOW".

Chocolate is a good remedy though ;-) And though I don't know you in real life, here's a high five to you!

FinsFan said...

LOL - Dina, I dont know you in real life........but I am giving you a cyber HIGH FIVE!